Quicky update

Jaime..Im happy for you:)
I heard about you and Derek he is very cute
but not as cute as you of course.

For everyone..
I live in Reno now.
Check out my myspace

Jessa Hayden

is the name <3

(no subject)

I must sayfor you guys who don't know...

MySpace is the place to be now.
Oh well I love you all anywho.

I wanted things to work this time.

I care about you.
I wish you'd trust that.


(no subject)

Ilana, I love you.

For Christmas I got...

Hollister sweatshirt
2 pairs of Hollister pants
new belt
VS gift card
3 cd's
Dakine beanie
Napoleon Dynamite
Concert ticket
Hair Straightener

that's about it.
I only like 1 of the cd's.

Read more about yesterday on my MySpace

Later Gator


(no subject)

I just wanted you to know
that what I said I meant
fully and truthfully.
As hard as it was to hear
is as hard as it was to say
I care so much.

What a crazy feeling.
*sigh of relief*
Thank you, for sticking it out
and making me realize that I care,
more than just caring could say.

Sweet Dreams
Thanks for making Christmas worthwhile.

Fuck this,

I have a MySpace now.(
I think I like it better than Lj, to me it's easier to understand.
Plus tons of people from Ferley have it. SO yea.

Ilana, it's not neccesary for you to leave
stupid ass over dramatic messages to me about not calling back.
I always have intention of calling you back,
and when I don't it's because I am EXTREMELY busy trying to get my life together,
So I apologize for not being there every step of the you and Damien drama,
but unfortunately getting kicked out of your house with no money is a bigger issue to me.

Merry fucking Christmas everyone.

I am so tired of not standing up for myself.
I'm tired of you not caring.
It ends today.
I am tired of fighting over stupid ass drama,
My bad I though graduating meant getting away from all this bullshit,
I'm tired of the fog in my head
I'm sick of not understanding.
I'm even more sick and tired of trying to understand.
I'm tired of you making me feel this way.
Every day is a new guilt trip and I'm over it.
I'm 18 not 8, don't talk to me that way.
I'm tired of following you around when it's convenient for you to have a shadow.
I'm tired of being your shadow.
I'm tired of playing games.
I'm tired of trying to make you end these games.
I'm sick of this tangoing back and forth
between closer than ever and too far away.
Far away is far too cold.
And now it's seems even being close is too suffocating,
everytime I'm around you I'm angry.
You all make me so fucking angry.
Tell me one more tim what I'm not allowed to do
so I can tell you to FUCK OFF
You aren't my dad
You aren't anybody who can push me around any fucking more.

I'm so done with feeling like a little bitch because I won't defend myself.
I won't defend myself because it's easier just not to make you mad.
FUCK THIS I am tired of olding in how I feel because you have a problem with hearing the truth,
All I ever wanted was some attention.
And you couldn't give me attention
You couldn't give me affection
When we're around your stupid friends all of the sudden I don't matter anymore

Or care about her,
I can't believe I went looking for reassurance
Only to find you standing there with the knife in my back,
Go talk to her.
Let her fuck you over.
The pain must feel nice.
I should know because the same way she treated you,
Is the way you treat me.

It's addicting isn't it?
The taste in your mouth of bitter memories
and all the fights you cause
I'm tired of not being ok.
I'm tired of pretending.

I'm tired of sitting here and thinking things are good
When really they're so far from anything resembling nice it isn't even funny.
How could you make me feel this way and not care?

I've been hit by an emotional two ton truck
Why dont you kick it in reverse and back it up?
Razor blades couldn't to justice to the depth of this pain.
It's poisoned every ounce of me to the point it's hard to see.

You don't even see that you pick me up
only to throw me down and kick me in the face
You've hurt me to the point I've numbed the pain
and now I'm sitting through this looking glass watching you
make a fool of yourself because you just don't get it

I could sit back and laugh
like you've done to me so many times before
Stab that knife into my back
I'm done.

Atreyu has a loud angry man in the background and he makes me warm and fuzzy inside:)

Ok so I feel so totally ODD as an EMO kid saying this..

I think I LIKE Atreyu.

I totally didn't think I'd like them:S
I thought I'd have to fake it.:D


P dot S dot- You have one more day to read the message below and respond to it, or else I'm just gona take it down. No point in keeping it up if you have no intention of replying. Tommorrow at 12pm Im taking it down.
  • Current Music
    Atreyu ..some angry song


First of all be sure and read the thing below this as well mkay!

Llama! I love your picture Hawethorne Heights sings.."So Cut my wrists and black my eyes..(Cut my wrists and black my eyessssssssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!) lol I love them and I hear Lola Ray is really good live though I have yet to see them, I hope to take pics this weekend, a Straight edge show lol I don't even know whos playing and then of COURSE pictures of The Used My Chemical Romance and none other than TAKING BACK SUNDAY!!!!!!! Yaya for the Screamo show!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anywho marvelous pics, I'll send some soon mkay!

<3 J

You said you had no plans and that meant big plans, last night was HUGE.

Thought to Myself.."I am so DAMN beeYOUUUUUteefulll!..."

Ok that ends there.
Last night Chad reversed the role and surprised me,
and took me out for a milkshake and then we went to the show.
:) OHHHH YES and I have news for all of you
Well Ilana knows kinda already but no one else gets to know
until it's a for sure thing because otherwise,
well otherwise I'd curse it DUH!!!!

Umm, so I'm a new kick.

I love them.

Ilana you have to meet baby burt he looks JUST like him I think.
His hair is even like the same length and un-style lol.

Anyways, Hey you, my messages are always appreciated.
What part of "Call me tomorrow" don't you understand?
J slash k.
Call me and tell me you got days off and bought my plane ticket ASS!
Or else you'll ruin my Christmas, and you don't want to do that DO YOU?

I am falling...
and when I do I don't wana get up:)

  • Current Mood
    chipper Ok though I miss Chady!